There are times when open, honest communication and the use of code words and fair fighting may not work to get you out of the 3Rs. This can be the case when the person you feel resentment, resistance or revenge toward is not someone you can openly communicate with.

When this is the case, consider giving as the solution to resolve the 3Rs in your life. On pages 50-52 of If How-To’s Were Enough We Would All Be Skinny, Rich, & Happy there is a basic discussion of the importance of giving and the 3Rs. Let’s follow that, now, with one example of how giving worked in my life.

When I left a company I used to work for, they owed me about $16,000 for flight fares and work I’d completed as an independent contractor. The woman who owned the company said, “You’re never going to see that money,” and then she laughed and added, “Of course we’ll pay it; we always pay our bills.”

The reality was, this company didn’t always pay the bills and that was one of the reasons I left. It was at this point that the resentment began to kick in for me. I had worked 18 years to build this multi-million dollar company and now they wouldn’t pay me a measly 16 grand!

I realized that the owner was mad at me because, among other things, she was afraid that I was going to steal the whole company from her when I left. Every time I called to ask about the payment, her response was, “Oh, I’ve already taken care of that, I’ve talked to the accountant.” The truth was, she wasn’t going to pay me. Obviously, she was mad at me, and then I became angry. We were both in resistance!

Finally -– it only took a year-and-a-half! –- I said to myself, “Oops, I’d better start practicing what I preach.” Once I recognized that I was in the 3Rs, I realized that I needed to give to this woman. But what could I give her?

I wrote the owner a letter and said that the $16,000 she owed was now a gift from me to her. I didn’t do this to be some goody-two-shoes. Quite honestly, I figured I could make the money back quickly enough. But this situation was costing more than money.

It took its toll on me creatively. It cost me time. I’d get off the phone with this company and complain to the people around me and that would mess up their creativity. So, when giving to this company freed me from resentment, it brought with it an explosion of energy and creativity -— to me and the people associated with me.

This illustration shows how destructive the 3Rs can be, and how giving can free us from them. Through the use of giving -– along with the other tools of fair fighting and open, honest communication -– we can deal with the 3Rs and enhance the creativity in our lives.

Brian